Newman has never had much luck cranking out portable media players that were easy on the eyes, and unfortunately, things aren't getting any better with the M8000. The bulky PMP features a 4-inch 320 x 240 resolution display, support for NES emulation and text viewing, a 1.3-megapixel camera, integrated speaker / microphone, video output, USB 2.0 connectivity and compatibility with a smattering of file formats. Unlike many craptacular rivals, this one comes in black or white and can be equipped with up to 250GB of internal hard drive space. Of course, it's not like anyone with a shred of dignity is going to fork out $388 for the quarter-terabyte edition, but if you've got the coin to roll, you can certainly test the limits of buyer's remorse.